When You’re Unhappy - Change Things

This life lesson sounds way too simple. How could anyone not know this one right?

But we are programmed to just deal. Modern society absolutely hates conflict of any variety and this even applies to the conflict in our own head space. Telling yourself you’re unhappy and actually inventing new ideas of how to exist is way more intense than we like to live life.

So we lie.

“I don’t love my job but I don’t hate it. It’s alright.” “I’d like to live somewhere sunnier but wouldn’t everyone? The weather is just the weather.” “Everyone hates their boss; everyone needs a glass, or five, of wine at the end of the day.”

And if you do manage to accept that something really is bugging you? It’s ‘quitting’ to just walk away right?

Why do we feed ourselves this crap?!

The long road to self acceptance.

This life lesson has taken me over a decade to come to terms with and to embrace.

Looking back I can now see my changes are the things that have shaped me, the things that have created opportunity, and the moments of ‘quitting’ have been some of the most freeing.

I can see the friends who have ‘stuck with it’ and still moan about their jobs, their finances, their home owner status, every time we meet up. I hear the jealous praise of my business, my property portfolio and my time spent travelling. It implies I have had a leg up or done something miraculous and I just want to shout back in their faces - I had less to work with than you, I just chose my path!

I still get unhappy ( a lot actually, I suffer with depression and that’s a whole other factor to assess) but I know that being stagnant is the biggest pre cursor for dissatisfaction. When something no longer brings joy I rethink. This is very often stigmatised as ‘flighty’ but I believe there can be pragmatism and stability to change and that well thought out change can be the best thing you ever do.

When I was 17 and beginning to receive the crushing weight of responsibility to go to university I thought there was only one correct direction. When I got there and fucking hated it I genuinely thought I was failing at life. I kept going to classes that bored or frustrated me. I kept banging my head against the wall. I spent a year and a half hating myself for my lack of motivation before quitting. I sort of kept it a secret until I had planned my next move; fearing being in limbo would leave some people unable to talk to me.

I went straight in to a managerial training scheme. I had worked in retail for four years already but, being young, I was still unable to spot a shit boss when I came face to face with one. I let a little mouse of a woman, who wore heels to work everyday as a floor manager, tell me she didn’t think I had what it took. I was bullied and received no formal training so after six months the daily grind left me in tears before the working day begun.

Bed Forts - a great distraction to depression!

I knew I was depressed but I knew leaving the scheme would not reflect on the company or Jenny, wearing her little cardigans; it would reflect on me. I had always thought I had an entrepreneurial flair and had dreamed of running my own empire one day. If I couldn’t run someone else’s business how was I ever going to have my own?

Months in torment passed with escalating arguments, bitching and tears. I felt a burden of failure but knew the money wasn’t worth it. I had thought retail was for me so this shook up my plans once more. Before I could allow myself to leave I had to have a new plan. I had been modelling as a hobby job since starting university so I decided to pour myself in to this instead and ride it out until life started to make sense again.

Modelling isn’t really a career. It’s not stable and glamour modelling is very taboo even in the age of the internet. This was the first time I had taken a step out of life that was purely self indulgent. I wasn’t doing what I was meant to, and it felt good! I partied, felt good about myself and started to forget about feeling like a failure.

Party Hostess roles were my favourite nights!

I wanted a little stable weekly money so I decided I was good enough at retail to have a part time role. A job came up at Monsoon Accessorize and I hopped back in to retail. My boss was a nice human being and supportive. She always needed someone happy to take on extra responsibility and so she started to train me in all the supervisory duties I hadn’t learned on my managerial scheme. I realised I was good at this and I applied for the supervisor role when it came up.

I was getting a name for myself and helped out in the area a lot. I was loyal to the company and loved the ethos and the people. Working with people I understood I realised I could manage people and I could run a store. This time the problem was very different. For the first time in my career I wasn’t unhappy, I was just too comfortable.

This one can be hard to recognise. Progress feels good but comfortable is easy. Sometimes I am a little jealous of people that can enjoy comfortable but I just get itchy all over! I knew I was capable of more but I knew I wouldn’t get it in the over congested South Coast market. I liked my little flat but, about to get married, I wanted the dream of the big detached house to come sooner. So I set about looking for a way to make it happen.

Chatting with my mother she mentioned how much cheaper Scottish property seemed to be. I had a look and found houses that would have been three times their price on the South Coast. That was it. No further research. I was moving to Scotland.

I applied for positions with Monsoon Accessorize first. I wanted to progress further with the company I loved already if I could. When I got an Assistant Manager role I suddenly only had weeks to organise everything. Leaving the dog behind we moved in to a rented room. Mum would look after her as long as needed but I needed my fur baby back so I set myself a goal. I had three days before I started my new position and I was going to find a house in those three days.

With no idea of the areas other than what I could see on the map I set about exploring far and wide. On the second day I was driving to my fourth viewing of the day already and starting to think there were more duds out there than I’d thought. I was coming to a little village to view a three bed detached property but it was detached by a metre and just from the photos I knew the rooms were little boxy new build rooms. Still, it was worth giving a chance.

The dream.

As I drove in to the estate I passed a huge, elegant house, a proper ‘detached’ property with gardens the entire way around. As I oogled I spotted a For Sale sign and wondered in my head how much over my budget it would be. But I called anyway and the next day my husband agreed he was in love too and that was our home found in two days.

I could have over thought it all. I could have held on to all the ‘ok’ things I already had going for me. But by embracing change and taking hold of those ‘flighty’ fancies I was starting to see that the risks were worth taking. I’d begun changing out of necessity, because I was genuinely upset with my current situation. But being comfortable I’d wondered if I was crazy to pack up and move to Scotland. But this was amazing! I might not have been unhappy but I wasn’t happy either when I was comfortable.

I hadn’t realised it at the time but I realised it now. Standing in my new home with four toilets! Working with my new team, already being pushed to apply for a Store Manager role. And just driving through the countryside and not being able to stop the tears of joy, for being somewhere so beautiful. That’s how I realised that my change was the best decision.

The next few years accelerated my capacity for change.

I got my own store. I took on area projects. I moved to a new company. We bought a third property for more rental opportunity. I quit retail entirely and bought a pack of dogs to open the world’s first Chihuahua Cafe in the heart of Edinburgh. My own business at 27.

Edinburgh Chihuahua Cafe

Life still isn’t perfect - because it never is. And because change is always necessary to stay happy. Stationary just doesn’t suit my happy vibes, I need progress and excitement to feel alive. So now I embrace change as my best friend. She brings excitement, new callings, new passions, lifetime achievements and memories, and happiness in the now.

2020 is set to be a year of change and I can’t wait to get my teeth in to it.

#loveyourself #selfimprovement #lifestylechoices #changeisprogress